My youngest child started first grade today. I haven’t had many of the overwhelming feelings I expected to have. I was not super sad. I was not excited. I was not looking forward to all three of them being in school. I was not super focused on her.
I was not looking forward to the Back to School Coffee. I went to the one on Tuesday for the parents of grades 2-5. I am not going shopping to celebrate. It feels like just another day.
I am a bit concerned that it feels like just any other day. I was concerned about our busy lifestyle and how that kept me from feeling too much. Now that I have slowed down, I find that I can still be the Master of Not Feeling Too Much.
If you knew me, you would know that I am the opposite of a neat freak, and it is normal for breakfast dishes to stay on the counter until after lunch. But, on this morning of my youngest child’s first day of first grade, it suddenly became very important for me to clean the countertops so that they shined like the top of the Chrysler Building. I became very concerned that our coffee grinder was not functioning properly because every morning more and more loose grounds find their way on to the countertop. I was scrubbing the caulk and remembering that we put in unpaintable caulk and that needed to be pulled and recaulked with a paintable option.
My oldest daughter wore a special outfit in honor of her little sister’s first day of school. My husband made her French Toast, one of her favorites. My son got her backpack ready and put it next to his. Chloe gave Sally a special headband and fixed her little sister’s hair. I decided that I would reorganize how we all keep our socks, they are always getting lost and its hard to keep track of all of them.
Mornings are often hard, especially with all the ADD in our house. After it took 45 minutes for my son to get his shoes on, I look out the window and see him jumping on the trampoline, his shoes laying on the ground. My husband and daughters are in the jeep waiting on us. Knowing I needed to go, I stood at my kitchen window for a full three minutes and just watched my little boy bounce to his heart's desire, just like any other day.
I tell her to get out of the jeep so I can get the standard first day of school picture. My heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t get a good picture but I didn’t really care. My son rode with me and Steve took the girls in the jeep. Chaucer wanted to get in early so I considered just dropping him off and going but decided I should go in, since it is her first day of first grade.
I took her in, snapped a couple of pictures, kissed her goodbye, and left before the bell rang.
I kept telling myself it was just any other day.