Sigh. It isn’t as easy as I thought. Go figure.
This Taking Back My Family thing I mean. August slowed us down as only August can. It wasn’t perfect. But it supplied many perfect moments. I should tally all the perfect moments I can recall from the summer, both the busy sports part of summer, and the lazy days of August summer.
By the end of the sports season, I was so done with all of it. I was thinking, who really cares if you can swim a length of the pool faster than anyone else? What really matters is taking care of your body. And being a part of a group. And feeling good about yourself.
I was also a little bummed that I didn’t really enjoy many of the sports moments. It all seemed like such a pain to get everything together, all their clothes and equipment, all the scheduling, carpool organizing, and food organizing. But the actual games were often fun and exciting. And certainly the children loved those events. I was constantly disappointed that I couldn’t make every game, only because I was at another child’s game or event.
I ask myself what could I have done to make those moments smoother. Not only the early summer, but the school year too. I curse my ADD and my lack of organization. I clinch at the thought of how much better my husband and my kids lives could be if I could just organize everything better.
It’s not like we were doing anything we didn’t like. We just didn’t have enough down time and all was too stressful. But maybe it was my fault, for not being able to do what the other Moms do. What is so hard about planning meals? Just do it. Or keeping up with their clothes and equipment. Just do it. Or being happy about doing it. Just be thankful for your family.
We can’t really just fall off the grid. It isn’t good emotionally either. The kids need activities and people and lives, and I can’t be everything to them. Perhaps if I try harder. Because maybe I kind of liked all the busyness and whirlwind.
Holy Cow. I feel like I am 20 years younger and talking about a boyfriend I broke up with a couple of months ago. Maybe he wasn’t so bad. Maybe it was all me. If only I tried a little harder.
Hi M.K. - I relate to a lot of what you say in this post, and I suspect a lot of moms would. This quote, especially, resonated with me: "But maybe it was my fault, for not being able to do what the other Moms do." I find myself thinking this a lot. And, when I'm being gentle with myself, I wonder if most moms think that everybody else can do "it" while they're the only one who can't.
ReplyDeleteI've had a few very refreshing in-person encounters lately with mom friends who have confessed how inadequate they feel - and these are moms who seem to me to have it all together. Maybe the solution is posts like this or the conversations I've had with friends where we're all honest about not feeling like we can do it all, all at once.